Who Knew

I've wanted it to snow since last week. Because everybody had snow just not us and what does it do? Snow on the freaking weekend where I had plans to do something with a friend. Saturday was the actual day that we had planned this. We planned to go to Evansville and go to the mall and after that go to the movies and see Burlesque. Well my friend kept giving me different times to pick from for the movies and snow started coming our way on the Radar. So my mom just decides that she wasn't going to let me go.

So instead she said today we were going to go to the movies in Jasper. Well we ended up going over to my nanas AGAIN and had Tacos for lunch. Ugh! I wasnt happy because I knew my friend wasn't going to text me saying she was free this afternoon. Everybody pissed me off one way or another. Whether they didn't mean to or not, I'm just not all the way here and I'm not the best person to get mad at anyone.

I'm stuck at home. Its snowing, football game is on, my dads drunk off his high horse, my moms doing lundry, Emily had her boyfriend over at my nanas, and I feel like I could kill someone. I am just anixous. I feel like I could seriously have a panic attack or something like that. Nothing goes right anymore. Music never seems to help anymore. I have so much anger in me. One of these days I'm going to yell at someone and they probably didn't piss me off. That's my luck at the moment.

I can't cry because my dad can't stand seeing me cry. I quit school because I couldn't handle the damn pressure. I can't trust men. I can't trust anyone pretty much, but I talk to everyone about my problems. My very own Nana is driving me nuts. Sometimes her opinions get on my nerves sorry but they do. I want to draw so bad, but everybody has to lift me back on my bed. I hate myself. I'm insecure of what I look like. I hate snow, sleet, rain. Anything that covers a hole. I'm not blaming anyone for my problems either, just me. I hate blaming everyone for everything when its my life. I can't even a smart choice. I have so much wrong with me that I can't think anymore. I'm just depressed right now. It sucks so much. :(