I thought this title went with the weather and my thoughts. Yesterday I cried three times and I thought I was done since today is Easter and it's a new day. I was sadly mistaken. I shouldn't had watched The Last Song cause I knew it would make me cry. I've seen the last part of it before but I couldn't get myself to cry. I watched the whole movie and bawled like a baby. So the title works for that too.
Well after the movie was over. I started thinking of other things which increased every tear to keep flowing through my eyes. I started thinking about things that bother me on a daily basis. I posted about I think people should get another word to use when they go to say "retarded." I hate that word and lots of other people do too. Nobody tells anybody about it because people will continue to say it. That's just how this world works.
Then I started thinking of other things that have been bothering me throughout the week. Ok, I can't take it anymore. I hate being handicapped. Its not easy, its probably harder than going through reality. I have to depend on other people to do shit for me. I'm 19 years old, still living with my parents. I will always have to have somebody to help me. I feel like I'm burden to everyone. No wonder I hardly have friends that want to hang out with me. I have never had a boyfriend because every guy here is an asshole. I want to move away but I can't because I'm stuck here.
Everything I watch or listen to is a constant reminder of the things I can't do. After watching the beginning of Avatar and seeing Jake Sully get the chance to walk around in his brother's Avatar body just made me sad. For all the people who aren't handicapped like me and play us on TV or music video. You should be happy that once that day is over you get to go back to normal. We don't and I'd give anything to learn to walk, run, wear high heels for the first time, swim like everyone else, drive a car, go out every weekend, hell even get a job. That's all I want and I can't have it.
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