Surreal.

Yesterday, I went to see Fast Five with my sister, cousin, and uncle. He was kind enough to take all of us to a pretty much 30-35 minute drive to Jasper. I didn't have my electric wheelchair for two reasons. 1.) It looked like it was going to rain. 2.) I don't have any juice in my chair. I like to take "walks" around my nana's block and I wouldn't have enough to go around the corner. Its that low. So after an hour we finally figured out what we were going to do. Whoever's idea was for us three (Kristi, Emily, and I) to walk to Kristi's house was losing their mind. It was somewhat hot and I felt dependable and that feeling sickens me everytime.

When we finally got to her house, we kind of pasted it and went to the "Big Toy" by the Elementary school. Kristi and Emily talked about different things. I was thinking about something I had read on Twitter one time about Scorpios. That they don't really like to be social or go out with friends all the time. At the time I disagreed with that statement, but yesterday sitting by the basketball court and sitting in the push wheelchair really made me think, "wow I am seriously quiet right now." They were talking about guys and I still didn't want to talk. I've had a rough couple of days with males. I really didn't want to talk about them. I tried to join in with their other conversations, but it was like I so out of it. I just wanted to look around and remissince about the early years.

After going back to the house. My sister and I were talking about different things. Kristi was inside the house changing and Emily was on the opposite side of the car and I was parked by the house. Not on the road or anything. Anyways, Emily and I were just minding our own business. All of a sudden, this guy on this bike of some sort goes by and on the back of this bike had turn signals. It looked so cool! My sister looks at me and goes, "What the eff was that?!" It was priceless. Kinda wish my wheelchair had turn signals that way people didn't complain but yet everybody in this world need them as well.

This van my family got was given to us a few months before I had my surgeries in 2002. It was used van, but it was a good van. It got all of us from and back St. Louis, MO. It was a good van. Then after my auction and the drama that happened with that. The van started to repesent something else. Since we got it from the people who started the drama with us, the van starterd to act up. My uncle has our old van we use to use all the time. It had a lift in it for my wheelchair, but it was kind of breaking down sort of speak. So we never used it. Last summer my dad was messing with it and figured out the battery still works and everything else did too. Which was odd. It hadn't move from its spot at the house for probably 3 years. My uncle needed a vehicle and so my dad gave it to him. He seems to enjoy it.

Since the state of Indiana is making a new highway to get easier way to Evansville and Indianpolis. They've been tearing down trees and houses and the one church that's out there. My uncle and cousin use to live in one of the houses that got torn down so we took the other way to Jasper. The other way is another town where I use to live. Otwell. Before I had my surgeries we lived there for a good 8 or 9 years or more. I loved living in the country even though I am and never will be a country girl. The other way was a much shorter way around to get to Jasper.

I was about 11 years old when we moved out of that house and been a few years since I've sat in the van. I hardly ever go to Otwell anymore. Yesterday I did three things in one day. I sat in the van, front seat. We went through the little towns and Otwell. I also saw my old house. It was so surreal to be going through after all this time. I don't know if its because I'm going back to Shriner's in June or not. I just got so uncomfortable sitting in the old van and looking into the side mirror and just staring at myself. Just wondering how far I've grown since then. Passing every place that had a special meaning to me.

Throughout the ride to Jasper I had this quote like jump out of me. "When Things Don't Go Right, Go Left." I've been trying to think why that quote jumped out at me around this time. It was just weird. So surreal to me. I've changed so much since then. I've learned to forgive and yet it seems like I'm the only one who has. No offense or anything, you CAN forgive but you can't forget. That quote should have popped into my head instead. Oh well. Maybe I'll never know.