I Needed To Blog. :)

Well, first thing's first. Merry Christmas to everybody that reads this. I wanted to share my thoughts and feelings about this Christmas day. Because today and yesterday I just kept getting this feeling something's not right, and I have been feeling very peaceful about myself and with other people around me.

Yesterday, was Christmas Eve, and I had so much fun. My mom made Christmas cookies and Chocolate Chip Cookies. And my sister was actually nice to me and everybody else. Wednesday I went to my Nana's because Em had a basketball game to go cheer at. And my parents went shopping again. So I went to my Nana's house and spent the evening talking about Scholarships, my career of choice, boys, dreams, and babies. Everything but the last one surprised my nana because we never had a talk about babies like we did. The dreams and baby kind of went together actually.

The last couple of nights, all of the dreams I've had. We're about me with a child. More of the dreams have been baby boys instead of girls. With these dreams I am still going to college and doing what I wanted to do as a career. But me and my nana were talking and we both kind of decided that God may be giving me a decision here. Which one do I want more? Family? Or career? If it was up to me, it would be both. But God works wonders though.

One dream I did have though, I tend to keep having at night. This is how it goes. My friend and her mom were going to go to a concert in Indinaposis and we go to see it and I have the time of my life, but after its over and we were going to leave the stadium these big guys come up to us and say that, "the guys of the band want to meet you." Which they're talking about me and of course we go. And we leave to go meet these guys and one is really, really drunk and he can't seem to understand that no means no. And the next thing I know I am four months pregnant. How about that for a dream?

Myself in my dream is very confident that she can do this and have a baby, have a career, and be handicapped at the same time. So she keeps the baby, because if that WAS me, I would keep the baby. I have family who were adopted and it took them forever to see the rest of their family, so thats what I would do. Anyways, she finds out its a boy. And she decides that his name will be Layton Matthew. And being that I have had Scoliosis the same feelings of how can I get drugs to calm down the pain without doing something wrong to my back? So I had no drugs at all. I had no boyfriend just my family and my best friend. And my son was born.

Lately I have thought a lot more of baby names then anything else. In my notepad in my phone I have four names that I have come up with just because of these dreams. I have Dante Benjamin, Layton Matthew, Sophia Marie, and Jaelyn Ruth.

Finals Week!

This week is final's week. And it's also the last week of the first semester of my last year here in high school. It seems so bittersweet, but then again it seems so good to almost be done with all of the high school drama, bad friendships, people who don't seem to care where you want to go. High school has really changed me. I remember when I was a freshman I really wanted to go back to middle school, but now I just want to go back to Elementary school.

Trusting people has been a big thing for me. Elementary I had one aide, and I had her until she retired when I started fifth grade. I was sad because she was the only one that knew me and understood me, and when I started fifth grade not only did I have to have surgeries, but I gained a bad aide. The only people who liked her were my "friends" and it was because she was younger. After when I graduated from Elementary, I was scared because I didn't know who would want to be friends with me. And then I learned that they're were NICE people in the older grades before me.

My "friends" in Elementary school, were leaving me as I left Elementary life before me. They were my friends, but some lied to gain my trust. I thought I was vurunable and weak because I was handicapped. I thought I would never become something. During my middle school years, I became very depressed. Half the time I let it show and the rest I never did, but my family knew I was. By my seventh grade year came my mom began school at VU for Nursing. And I hated it. Because I knew my dad would be the one to take care of me and Emily.

When my mom began school, I felt really lonely. I know I began to trust a lot of fake people and started believeing every word they said rather believeing in my own words. Music became more than a hobby for me. I began singing songs after my surgeries, I thought it was very werid that my lungs seemed stronger than ever. Avril Lavigne became my favorite Rockstar and still kind of is. Me and my roommate at Shriner's Shelby had a thing were every trip we went to we sang her songs. Being at Shriner's showed me that they were more kids like me.

When I started eighth grade, I was already crying from the depression and losing my mind from feeling unwanted. I joined 8th Grade Swing Choir and loved it! I hated the people that were in there but I loved singing. After that I started high school. Freshman actually wasn't too bad, if you can get past the flaws between boys. Then it was okay. The boys were nice for once. They would open doors for you, and then everybody else followed. Football became my thing. I loved the football team! The players were good looking and I was actually getting out of the house to go to games. Then I realized something I wanted to do POWDER PUFF FOOTBALL!

Holy Cow!

I have never wanted something so bad in my life, then a reason to win something because many people love you for what you are then what they see in you. I am nominated in the running for Winter Homecoming and its werid! Its sooooo cool! I am looking at dresses online. Like on Macy's and Sears. The really cheap dresses is what I'm going for and something purple too! As long as its purple and it has straps we're good. Thank you for the ones that voted for me, you guys are great!

Been Thinking Again.

I am going out of my mind. I need more money to spend on buying Christmas presents for my family and friends. I've got my nana and my dad covered. They're getting candles. My cousin is getting a pair of (blank) but I don't know which to give to her. On her birthday or Christmas. I think I should go to Evansville or somewhere and get stuff, but I don't know what they would want. I've never done this before. So I'm a little new at this.

This is my Christmas Wish List:

1.) A new cell phone.
2.) A new stereo or TV would be nice.
3.) I want some boots, not cowboy boots, but like Uggs.
4.) I want Guitar Earrings, that I saw at Walmart.
5.) I want some earrings.
6.) Lotion.
7.) A laptop.
8.) I want Linkin Park's DVD/CD of their concert at Milton Keyes. :)
9.) I want some new clothes.
10.) An iTunes music card.
11.) More fuzzy socks.
12.) Another purse.
13.) My scholarship stuff to be done.
14.) Anything that's Linkin Park, would be nice too! :))

Another Stressful Day.

Monday started off this so nice... NOT! The one time I don't have a NHS meeting on a Monday morning, my bus never comes to pick me up. Why me?? My dad had to take me in, and I felt like crap the rest of the day. Then when I got home, my mom wanted to start an aguement with me about it.

Tuesday, came with another stressful day. My schedule for second semester was being changed. I had a class that I didn't want, but the consolar put me in it. And she wanted me to come up to talk to her later that day and I told three people I was literally on the eadge on my chair because I was so mad. But now, its well. I have classes that I want to take and that one I have no chioce.

Today, yeah well don't ask!!!
:)

What I Am Thankful For.

What I am thankful for is just traditional thankness. If that is really a word. But I am. And there's a few not-so-traditional. I am thankful: my family, my friends, God for always helping me, my health, everybody's else health, fun times with people, food, the world that's starting to change, nicer people, not many fights, good books, animals, my feet for not giving out on me, music, technology, pictures, big conversations, and I think that's it. I'm a very weird person, I am pretty well thankful for just about everything.

For Once.

For once I come on here to do a blog post and I have nothing to talk about. Which really sucks! I guess I could talk about next week...

Well we only for three days, (thank god!) And then my family goes over to my nana's for Thanksgiving. I love how it's going back to normal for the holidays. I hope for another year of no fighting. We almost had one last year and I was real upset about it. My Aunt Laurie, her fiancee, and her son Tate are suppose to come down. I don't know if Amy will come down though. I wish she would it would make Saturday more interesting. My cousin Christopher is suppose to come too.

I see a lot of funny stories next week. If I don't hear any funny stories than we may have some problems, but my cousin Chris and my aunt Laurie usually have funny stories to tell so I don't think we have nothing to worry about. Friday and Saturday are gonna be the fun day's. Friday my nana wants us to get the Christmas tree down from the upstairs.

Getting Started.

Alrighty my story, "Rival's Love Nest." Is actually coming along good. I am writing a story within another story. My narrator is telling the reader another story that has to go with it. It will be very different than my last story. I did a story about if John Dillinger had a daughter. Everybody seem to like it. So with my friend Darcie reading Twilight and New Moon and the New Moon movie coming out tomorrow. Why not write about a Vampire? This is what my female lead is kind of looking like in my mind. This is Jade. :)

Haircuts Anyone?

So what do you think?

Possibly Getting a New Hair Cut.

Okay, well it's official my dad hates my hair. Well mostly my bangs. I love my bangs! I don't understand what the big deal is about them. It's my hair and I am eighteen years old, I can make my own choices within life now. :) I'm thinking about going shorter. Like Rihanna's hair. Something cool and on the edge as what I would say. So that way afterwards I can add in the red highlights that I am dieing to get.

Grammar Assignment.

My grammar assignment is going to start out like this. I already know most of this career because it's what I want to go into in the future. The career that I have choosen is Audio Recording. It is definetly something you wouldn't except out of me or how much grammar is involved in it. Everything that has to do with computers or softwares pretty well come with instructions on how to start it up. There are bunch of tools for you to use, but a lot of wires and cords for you to place for it all to work correctly. This is a picture of one of the softwares that I have heard of. It's called Pro Tools. What I think is cool is that the software sometimes comes in different languages. If your going to go into this career you might as well have it in different languages so that way other ethnics can understand how it works too.

Secret Life.

I've been through crap all of my life.
I've stayed quiet all this time, without a complaint from me.
You still need to find something in me to make yourself right.
I'm not rich or famous.
I just live a simple life.
But I bet if you got close to me, you would see a world you'd never known.

It's a secret life.
Underneath this normal life.
I have so many things that I bet you'd never believe I'd ever like.
It's a secret life.
It goes in one ear and out another.
I have a lot of things that I've done and I wish I had a chance to redo it all again.

The colors of the world can't change me, even if you'd try.
Take a listen of what I've got to say.
Take a hint of what I just said.
I'm nothing like you.
I'm more of me, and less like you.
I just love ticking you off.

It's a secret life.
Underneath a normal life.
I have so many things that I bet you'd never believe I'd ever like.
It's a secret life.
It goes in one ear and out the other.
I have a lot of things that I've done and I wish I had a chance to redo it all again.

Maybe not.
I have got it all.
I don't have to be fake.
I can be as real as I want to be.
It's just a secret life that nobody has to know.
To know, Oh-no.

It's a secret life.
Underneath a normal life.
I have so many things that I bet you'd never believe I'd ever like.
It's a secret life.
It goes in one ear and out the other.
I have a lot of things that I've done and I wish I had a chance to redo it all again.

Change.

Okay, I am wanting a change to everything I am. Well not everything. My best friend Janise and I were at Wal-Mart one time, and we went on the hair part of the store and we were looking at the hair dyes. I want my hair dyed again. Well I don't want it dyed all the way, I just want highlights in my hair. I've already tried blonde highlights and you couldn't see them very well. Then I tried red highlights, and it was the type that stays in for only two weeks. So this time, I found a product that I want to try. Its bright red. Its really cool. It'll be very different for myself, because I don't like to change my hair unless I really have to. So this is a big change for me to do. I might even get my haircut beforehand, but I don't know yet. So we'll see, here's a picture of what I want.

The Past Three Days.

The past three days have been very weird feeling to me. I am just thinking about things more than what I use to. For my birthday I got a $100 visa gift card from Wal-Mart. And I am all ready to spend it, but I am actually thinking about my best friend a Christmas present. Her birthday comes after Christmas and Christmas is closer. So she's getting something very soon!

I was suppose to get a call from the admissions person at VU yesterday, but Em had to be picked it up at the school and so my mother called the VU admissions office to have them wait until she got back. But guess what? They never called back. Not happy because I was ready and happy for them to call me. Maybe today they'll call me.

Today, I am going to the lincese branch to get a ID. Not a driver's lincese, but a ID. I am so getting myself a lottery ticket today! I am so excited! My mom isn't, but she'll get over it. My dad has told me that he doesn't care about the guys I date anymore. That's a plus. Poor Emily though. Dad's been giving her a hard time about these high school boys. I already know why he doesn't care about the guys I date. I've known that since I was a seventh grader. It comes with being handicapped.

Cute Pictures and Quote.

Halloween Weekend!

** I HAVE TWO DAYS LEFT! **

This weekend is going to be good, I hope at least. Halloween is not one of my favorite hoildays because mostly I don't like creepy things and this hoilday brings out the worst in everybody. They'll play a lot more tricks then treats. And it sucks!

This Halloween its going to be different. I did have plans to hang out with my friends and go trick-or-treating with them, but my mom might have to work that night so I came up with a plan B. Plan B is staying home in my room staying up til midnight. (Hopefully) And watching some kind of festival on MTV. Two of my favorite bands are perfoming their songs and when I heard about this. I kind of dropped every other plan I had in my head and went with this instead. :)

At midnight, I am scream at the top of my lungs that I am finally 18! If my dad is the only one there I'm not going to scream, he may have a cow if I did that. Now my mom is another story. I'd just do that to drive her crazy. I'm her first born, you have to drive her wild sometimes.

At lunchtime, we'll go over to my nana's house and celebrate my birthday bash there. My nana and papaw will tell the crazy story of my birth and how they never got to eat their lunch at Red Lobster because of silly me coming early. Sorry. Then my mom will probably cry because "her baby is growing up." But oh well. Once as you look at me, I kind of look like I'm seven. Not my problem.

Dream Big.

Since I was a kid, I was told that I would probably be the outcast at school, I'd have a learning disability, and I'd never learn how to walk. Well that part they got correct on some sort. The other two not so much.

There is one thing that I've done since I was four years old that I remember and that was dreaming. I'd daydream all day long if I could. Wondering outside the lines has always been a strong point for me. Wondering outside the lines means dreaming about things that no one in this world could understand.

My friend Ethan was texting me over the weekend about what I wanted to do after high school. And asked if I applied to any colleges yet. I have, but only one. My nana told me about my uncle and how he joined a band instead of going to college. He however now is a teacher. Explain that one to me.

Everyone wants me to dream big. Trust me, I may be handicapped but that will not stop me from proving America wrong then just sit on my butt and watch everyone else around me succeed at what they do. So I'm dreaming big and going to work hard at it and prove every single person wrong.

Eighteen.

I am turning the big eighteen this Sunday. I am so pumped! My mom has to work on Halloween and sleep on my big day. So we're all hoping she gets off on Saturday. That way we can celebrate my birthday on the right day then on Halloween.

Friday was my birthday celebration day with my friends. We went to the movies, out to eat, and then to Wal-Mart. I went to Wal-Mart twice Friday. We went to Washington and Jasper. I went to Washington's Wal-Mart with my family. I went to Jasper's with Janise, Brooke, and Jasmine. I got home around 1. But it was defintely worth it. It was the best girls night out I'll probably ever have.

My nana has this box at her house. And all I know is I can't open it and its made in China.I've known about the box since late September. It came when I was at my nana's. We were talking and the UPS guy came to the door with two boxes. One was for Christmas the other was for my birthday. So I've been thinking about what's in the box, and so far I have nothing. You can't be too sure about my nana and the things she buys for us grandkids. :)

Torn.

I am so flipping torn between two things. Gah! It's about to drive me insane. I have filled out one application for college and my head is spinning because now I want to become a teacher. (My nana's words are kicking me in the butt!!) It sucks.

I have filled out one application for VU. And a while ago I got on USI. (Bad idea!!) And it got me thinking, "You know Meghan, you could be a good teacher?" You know I really could, but I don't really have that much courage in me to do so.

So really I'm torn between going for a Audio Recordings degree to going into being a Elementary Teacher.

This Weekend!

This weekend is going to be sweet! Its our Fall Break. :) I am so pumped up. I am going to my nana's sometime this weekend. That'll probably be Saturday. My mom has the whole weekend off too. That means I can plan some things.

I am planning on going to the movies this weekend. My mom and sister are wanting to go see The Stepfather, but I have my mind set on going to Couples Retreat with my friends Janise and Jasmine. I don't have any idea what were going to do afterwards, but sure hope it's fun.

Maybe on Sunday and Monday, I can type up more of my story about if John Dillinger had a daugthter or not. I am thinking about sending it to a Creative Writings Contest but I doubt I'll get it done before the due date. I don't hope I win it, because I really don't care but I just want to be proud of myself of sending it in. A college's english department is going to read it and I am so excited!

Would you?

This was a survey question that I took probably four weeks ago. And I've been thinking to myself about that question. About how I could express my feelings about it besides maybe one sentence that I put. So I wrote about it earlier today. The question was...

"Would you date the lead singer, lead guitarist, or the drummer of the band of your choice?"

If I had a chance to date anyone of them I'd have to see if they have a wedding ring on. It's a big turn off for me. I hate when I hear different stories of the rockstars cheat on their wives.
My mom and sister love the guitar players. My mom loved Prince and still does. And my sister Emily loves the lead singer/guitarist of Skillet John Cooper. You would think since I love music. Picking the lead singer or lead guitarist would make me the same. To be honest, I don't like being the same as my family members all the time. So if I were to like one certain band I usually go for the lead singers until recently I have admitted that the drummers are pretty good looking too.
I don't think I'd have enough have guts to date a rockstar. I'd be too scared. I can deal with listening to their music but actually going out on a date, that would never happen. Yeah, I scream everytime I hear a good rock song come on the radio or TV but I don't think I'd ever date one. My family would so disagree. They think I'm crazy, I'm not that crazy. I do like bad boys though I will not lie about that at all. But I do have my reasons to not a date a rockstar.
Another reason why I don't date or would never date one is of two things. One drugs of course and two is being on the road all the time. I can't imagine being away for maybe ten months out of the year just to be on tour. I'd miss my family too much. Not only that but when your come back all you get to hear are the stories that went on instead of being there to see it happen.
Drugs are the biggest worry I think. This is that one thing that a person can easely replace you with are drugs. I would hate being a teenager in the 1970s and liking a rockstar then. God knows all them were on drugs. Not only that is because they just weren't cheating on their wives they were using drugs too.
I think I'm overreacting, but my mom says I'm not. So after writing this, typing this on this, and reading it over and over again. I've come to the decision that I wouldn't date any of them. There's no use of worrying and questioning if I'd date a rockstar because they're just isn't a way I'd do it. Well I probably could but that person must be willing to prove me wrong that they're not just an ordinary rockstar.

~*SeNiOr NiTe*~

It's senior nite tonight. I feel kind of happy about it, but then again I don't because it is my last year in high school. My sister is a cheerleader and so we have to get there at the school early. And my mom woke me up this morning saying, "Its senior nite, you should be happy about that." I was. After that I took my blanket off and gained a smile.

My mom doesn't like the fact that I am a senior in high school. And I am a "the first born." Which doesn't help much of that. During the end of the summer I really surprised everyone in my family that I wanted to go to college after high school. But I have been talking about college since middle school. I wanted to go to Butler but my family doesn't want me to go somewhere far away yet. So after a few years of figuring out what college and what major I wanted to go into. I have decided to go to VU for Audio Recordings.

I love music and I've actually always wanted to become a music producer but I've always been kind of scared because of my wheelchair and my feet. But after talking about it with some of my family members and the teacher that teaches it. I've actually felt better about myself. My confidence level has went up and I've actually been thinking ahead.

Linkin Park is really cool. I could if I had like all they're songs I could listen to them from the time I wake up in the morning to the time I go to sleep. I haven't taught myself to go to sleep with my headphones on yet, but I have a feeling that it'll happen soon.

I love egyptian things! From mummies to the art work. It all looks so cool. I've always loved it. I went to the Children's Measum last month and saw the King Tut exhibit and it was so cool!

I love fashion. I am not a big shopper but I am in love with clothes that are flashy with bright colors. Especially jeans. Blue jeans are awesome! I love dark blue jeans, they are my favorite.

Yup, this is me!

Hi... My name is Meghan, not Megan or Meaghan, its M.E.G.H.A.N! People like to spell my name wrong a lot. I feel like I live a double life sometimes. I have a life at home and a life around school and friends. Everyone at school thinks I am the sweetheart, the good one, and the one who WILL stand up for myself and anyone else around me that I love. My "other" self is crazy. I have given her a nickname, it is Megz. She's not shy, quiet, or anything else of that nature.

People tend to stare and/or watch me. I am handicapped. I have a disease called Arthrogryposis. That briefly means stiffening of the joint. My muscles didn't develop in my arms because of this. Like regular people can lift they're arms without a problem. I can't do that. I also can't unlock my elbows either. They are bent and have been that way since I was born. Since I can't use my finger's I use my feet for everything. I can draw, write (which I like to call footwriting), pick up tiny things from the floor, text (yes, I said text), and play Guitar Hero. Doctor's thought I'd have a learning disability, but I don't. I am slow at doing certain things but not to the extreme like some people are. I have problems with words sometimes. I use to have Scoliosis too, but I had surgery to fix that problem in 2002. I had a 130 deg. curve in my spine and it is now at 50 deg.

I am a music freak! I tend to vary with my "favorite" bands. When I was younger I loved the Backstreet Boys! I still do, but not like I use to. Brian Literall was my favorite. I thought he was the cute one of them all. Then around my pre-teen years I started getting interested in 50 Cent and his group G Unit. I liked them for about six years I think. And just recently I have fallen for the rock band Linkin Park. They are amazing! Never thought in a million years I'd like a altenative, screamo, rock band before but I do. Mike Shinoda and Rob Bourdon (the rapper and the drummer) are so hot! Brad Delson, who is one of the guiatr players in the band is my favorite. I am half my mom and half my nana. My mom has fallen for the guitar players before and my nana loves a lot of bass. So put those two together and you get me. :) My favorite female singers are Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, and Avril Lavigne.

I pretty much live a normal life. Just put a few more things in there about me and you get my life. I live life as it seems to be. Somedays it get's a little crazy and somedays it doesn't. After living in a handicapped world for a while you get used to it.